Sod’s Law 2: A Matter of Control

This is the continuation of the epic saga which is my boiler troubles.

We figured out how to turn on the heating manually, however we couldn’t get the timer working. I eventually managed to schedule a visit from the Helpful Boiler Man and as it turns out the problem lies with my thermostat/controller. The circuits had been corroded slightly which meant it lost the signal with the main boiler; fit in a new boiler control and that’s a job jobbed! However of course this being me and my current record with ‘Sod’s Law’ it would never just be that simple. Helpful Boiler Man turned up with a new control unit, fitted it…and it didn’t work. So he went to the supplier, picked up a new one, came back, fitted it…and it didn’t work. The supplier had obviously got a bad batch of units. It would take another week for the part to come in.

A week past, Helpful Boiler Man returned, fitted the unit, all is right with the world. Except of course for one further problem…

I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME WORK OUT HOW THE BLOODY THING WORKS!

I mean, just look at it:

"What are you doing Phil...?" - HAL Jr
“What are you doing Phil…?” – HAL Jr

It looks like the result of HAL 9000 had sex with a washing machine. The simple to read & operate switches have been replaced by touch controls. I HATE TOUCH CONTROLS! I think I’ve mentioned previously I’m a bit of a Luddite but with good reason. I like buttons, buttons work. They are the simplest, easiest human/device/function interface. I’m all for innovation, but innovation for innovations sake is just stupid.

It has weekday settings, weekend settings, holiday settings, it can call you to remind you when it needs servicing. It has so many bells & whistles it’s unreal! But can I can’t work out how to get the timer to turn the heating back off.

It can turn on, but I can’t find a setting to get it off again. My house heats up quick (The benefit of terraced housing) so I only need it on a few hours. I don’t want it on all the time. The Helpful Boiler Man left assuring us that it’s very easy to operate, he sits on a throne of LIES! I’ve poured over the instruction manual, even found a tutorial on YouTube, I still can’t work out how to set it so the heating turns off at a time of my choosing. Does it just fire up and switch off when the house reaches temperature? If it does it doesn’t state that anywhere.

I’m a simple man with simple needs. I don’t want the ability to schedule my heating needs around my holidays, I don’t want my heating to signal me for help. All I want is a switch for when it turns on and a switch for when it turns off. I don’t believe I’m asking for the moon on a stick here.

If this is the direction technology & amenities are going, I think I’ll just end up living in a cave somewhere at this rate. At least with a cave you don’t have a soulless, one eyed thing glowing at you on your wall.

Even now I can feel it looking at me….

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